I Don't know How I'm Going to Approach This Platform Anymore

After yesterdays events I just don't know what's going to happen. As for now my hopes of bringing you any flavorful creations seems but just an afterthought. I'm really thinking of writing a page inside dagrill entitled "The Demise of a Man". Financially, I just don't see how to get any of this accomplished.
This story runs deeper than one could imagine. Right now, sitting here thinkin' about it really ails me tryna even imagine the words I'm thinking being written out. The memories in my head, it's hard to fathom how someone who felt all his life that somehow he was destined for greatness, only to fail at every corner(with the only two exceptions: friendships and graduating Basic Training and AIT), i.e.: I used write rhymes on the daily stayin on my hustle, but I failed to learn music so today I still struggle.
On an earlier thought, writing on what ails me... I'm ending the post with this. First, I'm happy in my situation, I do and always have worked, supporting the family that I do have in my wife and three kids, and unfortunately, lol, my motherinlaw. Second, for  the rest of my family, to them, I am but a distant memory, but by no fault of my own. The last memory I have of the grandmother from the black side of my family, was a snowstorm in 1978. Oh, and after 18 yrs of a prison sentence I finally got to meet the man who fathered me, its now been some 13yrs. except for two brief moments, once visiting him at his home after by chance i'd found out we lived in the same city after the one I just moved from he had been banned from. And once at the stop light sitting side by side, he didn't see me, I didn't press the issue. A brother my mom put up for adoption when I was three, gone. The one some of you know I lost in a car wreck, with the last memory I have of him being of the paranormal, and I'm not writing of a ghostly figure. His face from the clouds looking down on me one night for like 8 min., while letting the family dog out to do her thing. I was just in from work, this was April 2005, almost 3 yrs. since Chris had passed, he had no EARTHLY IDEA, where I lived. Erybody else we were kept away from. Me finding out during my visit to help lay him to rest that my black family lived just around the block from my white grandmother whom I visited very often, him finding out merely just a few short months before he was gone, of which I had always had suspicions of and he knew how I felt, but we never had the the chance to discuss his side of it after he was aware it had always been true that he himself was bi-racial.
About 7 yrs ago the woman who gave me life, bought me Purpose Driven Life, in it it says something of the sort of Your specific reason for being here... something about my birth is foul, aside from my white grandmothers, yes the second is actually my great aunt, who adopted my birth giver from her sister, she is also from Harrodsburg, which is a Shaker community, didn't jive with me being born bi-racial.